i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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