Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
