ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
