i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
