I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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