these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
