Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
