so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
