You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
