Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
