I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Damn victory sex feels great
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
