All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
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