I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
