I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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