Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
