We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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