The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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