Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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