There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I think I sprained my soul last night
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
