carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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