I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
