but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
