i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
