she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
