Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
