How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
