remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
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