end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
