I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
