youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
