And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
