Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
