You're completely useless in the revolution.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
sex in a hospital.. check
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
