He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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