how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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