I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
