My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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