whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
