first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
