lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
