My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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