So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
