In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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