I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
