I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
