matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
