Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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