They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
