I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
