you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
