put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
