So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Rumble strips road head = magical
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
