Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
