I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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