I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
