I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
